March 29th 2016

Today I had to go into work and pretend like I gave a shit. It was the worst shift I’ve had in a while, and I wanted to be any where else but there. 

On one hand it was nice to have a distraction from everything that’s going on, but really, I just didn’t see the point in being there. Why bother. Instead of spending time with my family I was serving pizza to fussy cunts. One customer literally faked an allergy just to get a discount. She said that she was allergic to olives and that the pizza must have touched some olives because she was getting an allergic reaction. And, funnily enough, she said this after she’d finished eating the entire thing. 

I didn’t have the mindset or the patience to deal with her, so I let my boss do it. 

For the whole shift I did what she’d done. I faked it. 

I pretended everything was okay, I put on my best fake smile, pushed my glasses up my nose, ran my hands through my hair and pretended to give a shit about hungry random strangers for 6 hours. It kept me busy enough to allow me to solely concentrate on work, but in infrequent down time, I was a wreck. But then I had to walk out of the kitchen, breathe, and start faking again. 

I had to pretend everything was alright, when it’s not. And I have to do the same thing all over again tomorrow and I can not figure out why I’m bothering. 

Until tomorrow, keep faking, keep smiling, cry in the dark. 


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