April 14th 2016

Today was spent with my closest friends. I met Aaron this morning to go and play football-golf, but the course was closed because of the rain so we went home and played virtual football on the PlayStation which is basically the same thing. We needed a catch up, we’ve not seen each other in a while.

He went off to lunch with friends, and I went off to work. After my shift I met him, my girlfriend and his girlfriend at the pub. My Mum and Dad were also there for a bit which was random, but nice.

The three of them are all I really have left in my hometown. And next week that three becomes two. Aaron moves to London next Saturday. I don’t know who’s more upset about it; me, or his girlfriend. (If I was to place a bet on it, I’d back myself) 

What’s weird about our friendship is that we’ve never lived in each others pockets. We don’t see each other often, and we rarely speak over text. But he’s my best friend, and now he’s moving to London and this town is about to get a whole lot lonelier. I mean, I’m happy for him. He’s moving because he’s landed his dream job. His girlfriend already has her dream job. Alice is starting a new job (that is at least kind of close to her dream job), too. And before long, I’m stuck in this town alone, whilst my friends advance and I regress.

I’ve never wanted a large group of superficial friendships, we have a really close tight-knit group of between 4 and 6 depending on who is back from Uni at coinciding times. But now Uni is over for most of us, and every one else is sorting themselves out. And I don’t seem to be. I’m partly sad because I’m going to miss my friend, and I’m partly sad because I want to get my dream job. I just don’t know what that is. I want to join the club.

I just want to do something with my life, and I’m stagnant, and I’m regressing, and those words contradict each other but I don’t even care because they both kind of work. I have this irritating habit of assuming that I am special, and that everything is just going to fall into place for me, and the Universe will sort me out, that I shouldn’t worry myself too much. But fuck the Universe, I need to stop waiting for someone to come along and hand me everything I want gift-wrapped and tied up with ribbon and actually go out and do something.

I think that by this time tomorrow I will have ran a half marathon.

Until tomorrow, I better get some sleep then.


4 thoughts on “Stagnant

  1. I’m not sure whether to tell you to be patient or seize every opportunity you can. I think a bit of both. But what i can tell you is not to give up. It will happen for you, I feel sure of it for some reason. 🙂


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