September 19th 2016

Today my girlfriend passed her driving test, and I am so so proud of her. This means that I can finally give her the card that I’ve been hiding in my room for about a year. Although saying that, she’s already seen the card. So technically I’ve not been hiding it, I’ve just been… never mind.


This is the card.


And here’s the context:


For every major Hallmark occasion Alice and I tend to give each other pea related greetings cards. I don’t know how it started, I don’t know why we do it, but I’m almost 90% sure that she was the one who started it. I’m sure that there are more Hap-pea suchandsuch cards somewhere, but those are the ones I could find.

I saw the YIPEA YOU’VE PASSED card in Tesco like a year ago, and knowing that I’d one day need it, I bought it. And today was that day. In the card, I expressed how proud I am of her. I must admit that the inside of the cards is rarely more sentimental or romantic than the front cover. Who needs a card to say what you can say out loud, right? As displayed by this marvellous and special Valentine’s Day card Alice made for me when I complained that I’d spent £3 on hers and she hadn’t even got me one.


There are Shakespeare sonnets with less poetic romanticism than the four lines in that card.

I’ve always wanted to have a nickname for Alice. My friend and his partner call each other ‘Sausage’, my sister calls her boyfriend ‘Grub’, a guy at work calls his wife ‘Weasel’. I’ve never had one of those for Alice, but I’ve always wanted one. The problem is that a nickname cannot be forced, it has to come naturally.

I called her ‘Slice’ for a little bit because my phone would always auto-correct ‘Alice’ to ‘Slice’, but that stopped when Apple sorted their Predictive Text AI out.

I also called her ‘shelfie’ for a while for… reasons.

But I’ve never had anything that works. Thinking about it… ‘Pea’ works. I’m gonna try that. See what happens.

Thinking about it… It works with the ‘Princess and the Pea’ story too, where I’m the princess and she’s the pea because she’s really annoying to sleep next to. It has so many levels, and all of this historical context from ironic pun-based greeting’s cards. This is great.


I like it.

Until tomorrow, congratulations, pea.



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