November 20th 2016

Today I woke up to a shout from three feet above me. The scream came from the top bunk of the bunk bed in which I slept. After brief, unintelligible mumbling I figured out that there was an unexpected person in the top bunk. We four – Josh, Aaron, Spence and I – got into bed in our Ibis Budget hotel room at 4am this morning after a night in Southampton’s Oceana.

Three on the bottom bunk, one on the top.

When we woke, 8 hours later, there were three on the bottom bunk, and two on the top. Hence: screaming.

Josh woke up as the unexpected little spoon, with a random male hand on his hip. Hence: screaming.

Apparently Rich – the big spoon – had to come and sleep in our room, because his room looked like this.


Let us rewind.

For the sake of storytelling, I’ll mention in passing the names of the P’s with whom I was VI last night.

Screen Shot 2016-11-20 at 21.20.53.png

Clockwise from top left: Meredith, Sparks, Duffy, Benny, Norm (me), Rich, Aaron, Spence.

Only two of those are first names, this group operates on a surnaming system. There was also Jamie (not pictured) who is important to the story later on.

Our night as VIPs in Oceana, Southampton began normally. Snapchatting the Flaming Grey Goose and clinking our champagne glasses. Do It For The Vine. I did note, however, that you shouldn’t really be classed as VIPs if the only differential with nonVIPs is that you paid more to get in.


A pretty standard night ended in bloodshed.

After Aaron and I left the club and swam back to the hotel (it was raining – there was a literal storm) we bumped into Sparks on the stairs.

This is Sparks.


This is also Sparks.


When we saw him on the stairs he had blood across his forehead and over his ears and temple. His white Ralphie was red. He was laughing. This was my first time meeting the guy, but he seemed to just genuinely love life. He was always laughing. Even with a probable concussion he was laughing.

Apparently, Jamie Not Pictured and Sparks were play fighting when they got back to the room (idk why, I didn’t ask). Play fighting turned into actual fighting and a punch was thrown at, and connected with, Sparks’ forehead. Causing this…

Blood went everywhere. Shower. Floor. Bed.

This line was repeated frequently, so I take no ownership over it’s origins, but; it’s fair to say that Sparks got Sparked.

Jamie felt so bad that he ran out of the hotel and got a £150 taxi back to Swindon by himself.

Benny slept on the floor, and Rich slept in our room – unbeknownst to three-quarters of the room’s inhabitants.

So, imagine our surprise when we woke up to a room with an extra 20% of an already 33% over capacity room.


As nights out go, I’d file this one under: eventful, lights, sparks.

Until tomorrow, Very Important my arse.


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