December 1st 2016
Today I slept with a hot water bottle in my bed for the first time in living memory. It’s December now, it’s cold. Give me a break. Last night, Alice asked if I’d fill her ‘hottle bottle’ up before I came to bed. Apparently, Walter Hottle Bottle is a comic book/cartoon character of a Hot Water Bottle.
He is also, apparently, a character in Alice’s nightmares.
I showed her that picture and she said “Look how creepy! His ears! He’s tucking him in!” Alice is a grown adult, by the way. Not a small child. She says she’s always been terrified of Walter Hottle Bottle. She genuinely makes me cry with laughter sometimes.
We slept with a hot water bottle at our feet last night, and it was glorious. I can’t remember ever using one. I didn’t even know that we had one, but she chucked one down the stairs and asked me to fill it up.
Apparently all you need is hot water. Who knew?
I brought it upstairs and then she talked me through the ‘hugging it’ bit, wherein you’re supposed to ‘hug the air out of it’ so that there is just hot water within the bottle. I guess this keeps it hot for longer. Science.
I had a brief moment of worry when I imagined cuddling it too hard and having the boiling water spit into my face like a skit from a really bad situated comedy about third degree burns.
After you’ve hugged it you kinda just put it in your bed, and it warms you up. Genius idea, really.
We fought for foot space for a while until Alice fell asleep and I could claim the Hottle Bottle.
As I said, it was glorious.
December is crap, really. It’s so cold. I’m having to go out 15 minutes before I leave in the mornings to defrost my car. And we have to sleep with Hottle Bottles. Those people who say that winter is their favourite season? Knobheads. How can you rate winter over any of the other seasons? It’s literally the worst one. Cold. Gets dark early. Rains a lot. The only thing Winter has going for it is that sensation you get when it’s frosty and the air tastes fresh, and you can feel it in your lungs when you breathe in. Everything else is overrated.
Until tomorrow, Hottle Bottles are a nice addition though.