December 6th 2016

Today I kind of sort of almost burnt the house down. Well, not really, because technically it was last night. I’d finished yesterday’s blog, got into bed, shut my eyes and thought ‘Shit. I put pork chops in the oven 3 and a half hours ago.’

With a great deal of haste I scampered down the stairs and went to the kitchen. No flames. Promising. The oven mitts were on the oven door handle (which, by the way, I’m sure is the only place anyone has ever put a pair of oven mitts) and they were almost too hot to touch.

Before opening the oven door I opened the kitchen windows, which at the time seemed an intelligent and well thought idea, but in hindsight it was possibly a waste of valuable time. Although, to be fair to me, when I opened the oven door a cloud of smoke enveloped my kitchen.

No flames. Just smoke.

I reached in and pulled out my pork chops. It would be fair to say that overcooked just slightly past medium-well done, and if I was served them in a restaurant, I think even I would’ve sent them back.


Although, I won’t lie, part of me was very tempted to have a bite.

I’m being as flippant as usual, but ‘leaving the oven on over night’ would’ve been a pretty stupid mistake on my part. The reason I’d forgotten about them was because they weren’t for last night’s dinner, I was preparing them for today’s lunch. And then I guess I sat down, or something, and then went to bed, or something.

And then just before I dozed off something within me went ‘pssssssst. PORK CHOPS’ 

I’m sure we’d’ve been fine. I’m pretty sure that the oven turned itself off at some point because the light wasn’t actually on and there were no flames. Clever oven. Close one, mind.

It was coincidentally ironic that when I got to work this morning my co-worker told me that his wife woke him up last night because she thought she smelled smoke. That coinciding of stories/events/occurences has happened a lot to me recently, and I get a chronic deja vu (I made that up) at least once a week. Weird.


Until tomorrow, at least my house didn’t burn down.



4 thoughts on “Smoke

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