July 24th 2017

Today Alice and I played Monopoly for five minutes until we started arguing. At the weekend we went charity shop hopping and picked up the Monopoly card game for 50p. We thought it would be a fun way to spend an evening. We were wrong. We should have known better.

Every time Alice and I try to play any kind of game (card-, board-, video- or otherwise) it ends in one of us throwing our cards (or controller) down in a huff. We get too competitive when we play against each other. When we travelled Europe by train together, we packed a deck of cards and I taught her a card game. We had maybe two practice hands before we had to give up and throw the deck away because it’s just really not healthy for our relationship to play card games against each other.

She really wants to beat me, and I hate losing to her, which makes her want to beat me even more, which makes me want to beat her, and then she hates losing to me because I’m a smug winner but I’m also a bad loser, so it’s all just a bit of a mess really.

To be fair, I don’t think this just happens to us. Monopoly is a relationship killer, I swear to it. I don’t think there’s ever been a family game of Monopoly that hasn’t ended in a choke hold. When I was a kid my Mum always refused to play Monopoly with us because she said ‘it takes too long’, but I think in reality she must have had a particularly violent round of Monopoly in her early adulthood and she’s sworn off it for life. Monopoly changes a person, I tell you.

So yeah. Alice and I played one practice round of the Monopoly card game (*cough* that I won *cough*) and then we lasted about three turns into the second round before she threw her cards on the floor in a huff. I’d asked her for $5m in rent, and I was probably kinda sorta a little bit too smug about it. And this was only the second round.

I think if I have any desires of marrying this girl, that we should put the Monopoly card game in a box in the attic and never get it out again.

Until tomorrow, that goes for Scrabble too.



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