November 28th 2017
Today I ice-skated around a football pitch because my trainers have no grip. I manoeuvred with the turning circle of a fucking arctic submarine because if I tried to spin sharply in the other direction I ended up doing a complete 360 and then landing on my arse.
I’ve now ran 1,200km in my running shoes, which is double what they recommend, so there’s no friction on the soles anymore. They’re fine on grass and on track, but I play football indoors on wooden/vinyl flooring, so there’s absolutely no grip. Instead, it’s like running over a frozen lake, hoping you’re not heavy enough to fall through the sheet of ice. (I don’t know why I’m making so many references to cold weather)
It was a comical, but not particularly effective, footballing style.
When I was a kid I used to run up and down the hallway in my parents house, skidding across the vinyl floor like Tom Cruise in Risky Business. And that was basically me on the football pitch today.
Until tomorrow, except I was wearing shorts.