January 31st 2018

Today we booked a golf holiday to Portugal. We’re going for my cousin’s thirtieth birthday. He’s been looking for the best deals all week, and we finalised the booking today.

I am very excited. A golf holiday combines my two favourite things: going on holiday, and playing golf.

There is something about playing golf in shorts and a short-sleeved polo that makes the game 10x more enjoyable, and that’s definitely going to be the case in Portugal. And beer. We’ll have beer on the golf course too. I know you shouldn’t drink and drive but fuck it, we’re on holiday.

Look at the place:

Screen Shot 2018-01-31 at 23.07.31

I’ve just noticed the amount of sand, and I’m suddenly nervous.

Screen Shot 2018-01-31 at 23.07.45

Included in our package is unlimited golf. We’re probably going to play 36 holes every day. That’s 8 hours of golf every day. That’s a lot of golf, but I guess that’s kind of the point.

I’ve said it before, but all of the golf I’ve been playing through the winter has been in preparation for this. I’ve been slogging through the winter winds and December deluge just to make sure that my game is up to scratch for the summer.

This will be like my big summer tournament. My British Open. My US Masters. I’ve just realised that we’re away in Portugal at the exact same time the US Masters is on. So it literally will be my US Masters, except it’ll be in Algarve instead of Augusta, and I don’t play off scratch, I play off 18, and I won’t get paid millions of dollars to compete, I’m having to pay out half a grand for the honour.

Those professional golfers can get out of those bunkers no problem, but if I get caught in one of them, then I’m taking my polo shirt off, getting out a deck chair and sipping on a beer for the rest of the day.

Until tomorrow, it’s almost the same thing as the Masters.


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