February 5th 2018

Today issue ten of my monthly online magazine is almost ready. In fact, it is ready, I just need to upload it and share it across the relevant channels.

The problem is that I’m really bad at doing that bit. I’m a good editor, and we get some good content, and a beautifully designed magazine, I just get overwhelmed by the thought of sending a tweet. It’s weird, because I send tweets all the time from my personal account. I’ve tweeted about fifteen times this evening — just random shit about a football match I was watching. So I clearly don’t have a problem with the act of tweeting. It must be something else.

To psychoanalyse myself, maybe there’s some hesitancy to share the magazine because I’m nervous about people seeing it. I know that that doesn’t make much sense… “Why would you create it if you don’t want anyone to read it?” but there’s also something terrifying about putting a piece of your work out into the world like that. And it’s not even really my work. I don’t do any of the writing, I just put it all together.

But maybe that’s it. Or maybe I’m just lazy. Except, it’s not particularly strenuous work, sending a tweet.

It’s gotten to the point now with this magazine where I want to get someone else on board to look after the social media accounts. I don’t think I’m capable of it right now.

If this was a proper enterprise I’d start looking at employing someone to do the job. But it’s not a proper enterprise. Not yet, anyway.

I’ve just shelled out the best part of £100 on the hosting for my website. We’ve just done a redesign on the issue template for the latest edition. I’m taking lots of parts of this very seriously, but the social media and sharing parts of it make me anxious, and I don’t really know why.

It could be a really great project. It could be the thing that defines me. It’s just also very fucking scary.

Until tomorrow, follow the magazine on twitter.


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