October 17th 2018
Today I started to write the poem that I promised my sister I’d read out at her wedding. She gets married in six weeks, and she asked if I’d want to write something to read at the ceremony. I am supposed to be a professional writer, and I’ve dabbled in poetry before, but only when I’ve felt particularly inspired to do so.
On this one, there feels pressure. (I’m backwards-talking like Yoda because that’s what you’re supposed to do in poems, I think)
I think I can handle writing it. I mean, I’ll get there. It’s just the speaking bit that I have not yet processed. I don’t know exactly how many people will be there, but I’m guessing like a hundred. And if you double that it makes 200 eyes and 200 ears. Damn, I hope my tie’s straight.
Knowing that my sister will be reading this and worried that I’m not happy about what she’s asked of me, here’s a disclaimer:
I’m happy to do it, I just want to do it right.
I’ve probably written (in a creative capacity) a million words in the last five years alone. Only about 300 of those were in the form of a poem, but I’m sure I can come up with something special. It’s just the capability to perform it that I might struggle with more.
If you, reading this, know me, then you’ll know that that’s not me: standing in front of a crowd of people and talking. One of the reasons that I choose to express myself through the written word is because I’m not a great talker. I’ve noticed recently that I start about 95% of my spoken sentences with either a stutter or an ummmm. When I noticed it, it began to really annoy me. And so I’m trying to stop.
Who knows, maybe practising for this poetry performance will benefit me in that regard? That’s what I’m banking on, at least.
Until tomorrow, and again, I’m happy to do it, I just want to do it right.