Hesitance

November 19th 2018

Today I had a frustrating but potentially fruitful day at work. We’re in this really annoying transition phase at the moment, where we’re really close to being able to go absolutely wild, be super creative, take risks, and gamble on our gut. I know that when my boss reads this she’ll say “but we’re already at the point where we can take risks” but something just doesn’t feel there yet.

This transition phase has been going on for almost a year, as the company re-jigs its board members and repositions itself, and every few months something new comes along to excite us into action, and hope, and belief. And then shortly after, that thing we were excited about gets taken away. So perhaps now we’re now hesitant to believe that things have actually changed, because we’ve been stung before.

At the start of the year we were given the same “woo, go crazy!” message by the company, and shortly after it was like “what are you doing??” so now, when we’re told to go crazy again, there’s reticence.

And so there’s frustration. And hesitation. And sweet sensation, instant radiaaaaation. (I never thought I’d quote a Steps lyric on this blog, but there you go…)

Although we’re so close to doing really cool, empowering stuff, it just feels like someone is going to take it away from us again. It’s like a rat in a maze being handed bits of cheese, except every time he gets the cheese he’s given an electric shock. He goes back for the next block of cheese, though, but gets shocked again. And again. Eventually, he begins to question the situation, and wonders whether the cheese is actually worth it after all.

I’m not sure that metaphor ended up where I intended, but the concept was strong. I did say that my day could have the potential to be fruitful, but now I’ve got lost in the cheese, I can’t remember exactly where I was going with that either.

Until tomorrow, it’s been a long day.

Jacn

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