November 26th 2018

Today I had a sartorial mixup due to my own impatience. I finally caved and perused the 40% sale in the AllSaints across the road from my work. It’s been on for a week, and I’ve had a stupidly expensive weekend, but I am just a man, and it’s 40% off outlet prices. So, like, 10% of RRP.


When you can get a £98 shirt for £12 it would almost be offensive to say no, right? Well, on this occasion maybe I should have said no.


See, if you like at that photo above, it looks like quite a nice shirt, right? A bit lumberjacky, sure, but for £12 I can stomach the abuse my boss would give me for that.

I picked it off the sale rack, took a look at the price tag, was immediately convinced, and then put it on the cashier desk with a tshirt before I spent any more of the money that I do not have. The guy behind the desk asked me “Did you want to try these on first? Because with sale items it’s exchange only” I replied: “No, they’re both smalls, I’ll be fine”

Plot twist: it wasn’t fine.

At this point, you may be thinking that the sartorial mistake I made was something to do with the sizing. Nope. Though the mistake I made was not trying the shirt on first, the reason was not to do with the sizing. The reason was this:


What looked at first, second and third glance like a perfectly unassuming orange/blue checkered shirt was actually some two-toned honey mist auburn* ombre ensemble.

*(this bit is going to be boring to 99% of you, but I’ve literally been waiting for an opportunity to use that reference for years. If you already know what that refers to, then I love you. If you don’t, but are dying to find out, I present to you, the single greatest joke in the history of scripted film, television or animated series:


So, for some reason, the shirt was half pink. And I just didn’t realise that when I A) picked it up, B) took it to the counter, C) paid for it, or D) was asked by the bloke “Do you want to try this on????” 

I did notice it when it was far too late. Exchange only, you see.

Seriously though. Why is it half pink and half orange? What the fuck, All Saints? Why? I don’t understand why it’s two colours. No wonder it was 90% off. Jesus Christ.

Look at it again:


What the fuck is that, like.

Until tomorrow, needless to say, I went back and exchanged it for a completely different shirt.


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