Plans

June 19th 2019

Today I had dinner with my Grandparents as part of my friends and family’s ongoing commitment to prevent me from being home alone. I’ve made an active effort organise things that will give me something to do in the evenings after work while my parent’s are on holiday for the summer, but both this week and last week I’ve had stuff planned for every single night.

Monday I had plans. Yesterday I had plans. Tonight I had plans. Tomorrow I have plans. Friday I have plans. Saturday I have plans. I need a night of not having plans again.

People want to babysit me, and cook me dinner, and of course I’m fine with that, but I also need to learn to be fine with being alone. It’s been almost a year since I split up with my ex, and for a few months after that I lived alone in the house that we shared, and I didn’t do very well in it. Then I moved back to my parent’s and was doing better. But now they’re away on holiday until August(?) and I’m alone again, but I’m doing much better than I was before.

I’m looking after myself and I’m eating properly and I’m going to sleep at a reasonable time. And I’m learning how to be alone, because it’s not something I’ve ever done (successfully) before. And although people are taking it in turns to look after me, I feel like I’m not as dependant on that as I thought I would be. And I’m doing well.

I’m just not having many actual ‘alone’ days to practice being alone — and that’s obviously a good thing, because I was worried I’d have nothing to do. Now, if anything, I have too much to do.

Until tomorrow, I need to learn to strike a balance.

Jacn

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