Shoulder

June 24th 2019

Today I had to tell myself “Just keep running, just keep running, just keep running”. I had that cartoonish angel/demon thing on each shoulder, one telling me to stop running, one telling me to keep going. I don’t know which one of them was the angel and which one was the demon, to be honest.

I call the one that tells me to keep running “my inner Marshall” because there’s a guy at work called Marshall who’s wise running advice is “when you think you can’t run anymore then you just keep running and don’t stop”. And also it works on a secondary level because a marshal is, like, a marshal in the army who won’t let you stop running or he’ll scream in your face and throw dumb bells at you. Or whatever they do in the army.

Anyway.

My inner Marshall (it actually sounds weirder the more I type it, but I committed to the secondary metaphor, so I kinda have to stick with it now) urged me to continue running even though I wanted to stop. And I realised that I was basically back where I was four months ago and questioning “Why do you want to stop?”.

At the start of the year I was running a lot more than I am now, and every time it became a struggle I’d think “What hurts? Why do you have to stop? Is it your legs? Your lungs? Your heart?

More often than not it was my brain that was stopping me, and that’s where I was today. My legs are fine, my lungs are fine, my heart is fine, but my brain wanted me to stop because it thought I couldn’t continue. My brain is the other angel/demon on the other shoulder, I just still don’t know which way round they go.

I overcame my brain four months ago, and I was soon at the peak of my athletic capabilities.

Until tomorrow, I just need to do it again now.

Jacn

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