July 26th 2019

Today I cooked the best steak I’ve ever cooked in my life. Hands down. No questions asked. It wasn’t even a particularly prime cut of meat. It was just a butcher counter rump that I paid like four quid for. All the good stuff came later. At my hands. Can you tell that I’m proud of myself? If not yet, you will.

I did the usual. Cover it in oil, salt, and pepper, and leave it to warm to room temperature on a chopping board for a while. Apparently that’s important, or so said all of the multiple “how to cook a steak” videos I watched whilst waiting for the oiled, salted steak to brew.

I knew I only wanted to serve it with halloumi, some mixed leaf salad, and a bit of coleslaw, so there was nothing else I needed to prepare. When I was ready for it, and it was ready for me, I dropped the steak into a searing hot pan — without butter to begin with — and then added butter and a clove of garlic to the pan shortly after flipping the steak onto the other side. Then baste the butter onto the steak with a spoon.

The butter began to bubble, but so did the steak, as a — and I’m sorry to any vegetarians reading this — rich, bloody section of meat in the middle began to rise. That would later be the proper meaty bit.

I like my steak pretty rare, but when I first took it out it was perhaps too rare, so it went back into the pan for another thirty seconds.

It came out looking beautiful. The next part is the hardest part because you have to let it sit there untouched on the chopping board — cover it in foil if you want, but I didn’t — for almost as long as you cooked it for. This period of rest makes the juices from the top of the meat absorb back into the steak (or so said those videos from earlier).

So that the steak still remains hot when you’re eating it, the trick here is to put your serving plate in the microwave for one minute. Then, when you put the rested steak on a hot plate, the meat will keep warm throughout.

Partly to make it easier to eat but mainly for aesthetic, I decided to slice my steak into bitesize chunks. I then served these on the aforementioned heated plate with the aforementioned mixed salad, coleslaw, and fried halloumi. Sorry, I got distracted by the meat and forgot to tell you to fry your halloumi while you’re waiting for the steak to cool. You should’ve done that already.

And then, the moment of truth:

I’m sorry, but doesn’t that look fucking banging? Look at the fucking colour of it. If you look closely at the slices in the middle you can see the extra bloody/meaty bit I was talking about. That bit was almost purple, and it was divine. The whole thing was gorgeous. I’m very proud of myself — that is definitely clear by this point.

Until tomorrow, I want to eat that again.


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