Dilemma

November 10th 2019

Today I just wrote out this whole thing about an ethical dilemma I’m having, but I decided it was oversharing so deleted it all. And I know that this blog is not for sharing, and that it should be written as if no one is reading, but people are reading. And the issue is that the dilemma is not only about me, and I’d feel weird talking about someone else’s dilemma. Or maybe the other person isn’t having a dilemma, I haven’t really asked, I’ve just been thinking about how I feel about it.

And I’m being cryptic, but that’s because before I was being exact, and being exact is unfair. But maybe that’s fine? Maybe that’s what I need to do? I don’t know. It seems like something that I could rabbit-hole about if I tried, but I’d rather not do that. I wanted to get the catharsis of typing it all out and getting it all out onto ‘paper’, but that’s just not something I can do here.

And it annoys me that that kinda defeats the point of having this as a place to vent, because now it’s now longer a place to vent, it’s just a place to pretend like nothing’s happening.

So instead I’ll just rant to my work friends over coffee and overshare with them instead. It’s weird, because basically everyone who will read this already knows the story that I’m avoiding telling, but I still can’t write it down. Maybe it’s shame, maybe it’s embarassment, maybe I’m being protective. Or stupid. I could be being stupid.

What I am definitely doing, is overthinking.

Until tomorrow, I should do less of that.

Jacn

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