November 13th 2019
Today I’m really struggling to ‘break up’ with someone. The inverted commas are because it’s not really a relationship, we’ve just been dating for a little while and I’m not really feeling it any more. That’s a normal, reasonable… reason, but for some reason I cannot word it like that to her. In my year-or-so in the ‘dating’ world (lots of air quotes in play tonight) I’ve usually let things continue until the other person calls it off which, so far, I’ve had a 100% success rate at. (and that’s a less depressing way of saying that I’m often the one that gets dumped)
I think that part of the reason I’ve been so far unsuccessful is that I’ve allowed things to go on for too long, when I’d known earlier that I wasn’t feeling it. So this time, that’s what I’m trying to fix. And it’s not going well. I’ve tried to ‘break up’ with her a couple of times, but then somehow we end up seeing each other again, and then we went on a date, and then she said to me today ‘I thought we were back to where we were because we went on a date…’ and, to be fair to her, I do understand that train of thought.
Going on dates with someone is kind of definitively dating, so I can see where her thinking laid. I was supposed to go on another date with her tonight, but I was successful in calling this one off. For today at least. I tried to explain how I felt, and where my head was at, and we didn’t go on a date, but I’m still not 100% sure that she’s 100% sure of where my head is at. And, again, to be fair to her, I’m not 100% sure where my head is at most of the time either so I can’t really blame her.
Compared to the fullness of time, dating is pretty new to me. Stopping dating is very new to me.
Until tomorrow, I don’t think I managed to ‘break up’ with her.