January 13th 2020

Today I’m considering looking for a new job. And not because I don’t like my current job — because in fact it’s the opposite. I love my job, and I really want to be succesful at it, there are just circumstances outside of my control that dictate and restrict my ability to do that.

Effectively, in order for us to be effective there are seemingly endless bureaucratic hoops through which we must jump. Until now, this hasn’t really affected me personally too much. But I knew it would come for me eventually. It’s part of working for a big company, and an inherent part of working for my specific company.

We’re owned by a parent organisation, and because of that everything we do has to be agreed to, signed off on, and approved. And that’s the exact opposite of the working ethos that my boss(‘s boss) has instilled in me over the years I’ve worked for her. In her eyes, we should feel empowered to make mistakes, and we should make decisions because it’s what we truly believe is the right thing to do.

You shouldn’t have to explain your thinking, or your reasoning, you should trust in yourself to do the right thing. And if it turns out you did the wrong thing, then you learn from that and you do better next time.

Since graduating University, I’ve only worked for this company, and only for her. And so my entire working ethos has been moulded by her guidance, as well as the “expert tutelage” of my manager and mentor. (Yuck)

So this is how I am. I’ve been taught to work instinctively and to trust myself and my reasoning. But that’s just the complete anthithesis of what I’m now being told to do by our parent organisation. If I want to get anything done, if I want to make any actual progress, I have to explain every decision, every reason, every choice.

I have to answer to, so to speak, our parent company’s foster child in order to make a meaningful difference.

And I understand that that is how our company is run, and that is how our company has to work. But that doesn’t mean that I have to work like that. I get a choice.

Until tomorrow, and right now, I want to leave.


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