Staying

February 15th 2020

Today I am/was genuinely thinking about staying in New Zealand. I’m supposed to be flying home in four days, but I’m having such an amazing time that I don’t know if I want to.

We left Queenstown today, which had been our base for almost a week. Because I’d been there for so long, (compared to 1/2 nights in other places) I’d started to feel at home there. We’d established a little routine. Coffee and a bagel from Balls and Bangles in the morning. Go on an adventure during the day. Malaysian takeout at Hawker and Roll for dinner. Then meet everyone else on the beach at 8pm for drinks, then head to the clubs.

On some nights there were 30 of us drinking at the beach. It was great. It was home. I was with some amazing people. Today I had to say goodbye to them. Inside of the big 30 or so, we’d made a little family. With me and Jim were Zoe, Mitra, Nadja, and Scott. We called ourselves ‘The Unit’ because that was the name of the dorm room in which we all met.

Since then, over two weeks ago, we’ve spent basically every waking second together. Jim cried when we left them today. I felt like it. (The photo isn’t uploading because this hostel wifi is shitty, so just believe me on this) The dude on the right is Dario, who was like our family dog because he’d often forget to book accommodation and end up having to sleep on our bedroom floor.

Leaving was tough. And the thought of going home is tough. And so I thought about staying instead. I could just not catch my flight home.

Except, I love my job. And I’m fairly sure I’d get sued if I just decided to not show up for work ever again. There’s probably something in my contract forbidding me from doing that, I’d think. But then, really, what are they gonna do? Fly out and get me? Probably not.

But what would I do for money? I’d imagine that even if they don’t sue me, they’d probably stop paying me if I wasn’t there anymore, which would be a shame. And so eventually my savings would run out, and I’m only out here on a tourist visa so I can’t work.

So maybe I just go home, quit my job, sell my car, pretend that I didn’t literally just move into a new flat, and then fly back out to New Zealand with a working visa. There’s still so much I haven’t seen. And there’s people I want to see.

But I can’t, right? Spontaneity is not what I do. I think and I think and I overthink before I make a decision. And today I’ve been thinking a lot, I just haven’t made a decision yet.

Until tomorrow, I’ll let you know.

Jacn

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