April 6th 2020

Today I was shouted at by a fellow Tesco shopper for not following her interpretation of the newly implemented social distancing measures. After queuing in a single file line to get into the supermarket, you’re then told about the one-way system in place in the store. “It’s like IKEA,” said the doorman. And it kinda is. You snake around the store aisle-by-aisle like, well, like a snake. Or like the 8-bit version of snake from the Nokia 3310 you’d obsessively play on your Dad’s phone as a kid because real entertainment hadn’t been invented yet.

What was I saying?

Right, the trolley bitch.

I went into the store behind her, and when we were in the first aisle she dawdled in the middle of the aisle, without looking at anything on either shelf but somehow blocking them both.

She didn’t seem to be going anywhere in a hurry so I gave it the old British “uhhhhh excuse me” and started to shuffle round her. Then she kicked off and snapped, in what I consider to be an obtuse misinterpretation of the rules, “it’s a one way system you can’t overtake me”.

Because I had headphones in and I also wasn’t expecting it, I kind of didn’t fully comprehend what she’d said for a couple of seconds, but when I’d taken it in I… well I continued my “uhhhhh excuse me” and walked down the next aisle.

Like, I get that people are scared. I get that it’s a weird time to be alive. But, well, just don’t be a dick. I keep seeing people being dicks in supermarkets and it’s just not necessary. And if you’d like to make this into a class system thing, it’s not even just at Tesco there’s a problem. It’s worse at Waitrose.

I was there the other day and in the space of two minutes was embarassed to be human twice. First in the queue, and then at the checkout. In the queue, the couple in front of me were informed by the doorman that Waitrose is operating a one person per trolley policy. This irked the couple, who vociferously made their irksomeness known to the doorman. He insisted, because it’s his job to insist, that they couldn’t go in with two people on the trolley, and they’d have to go in separately.

The bloke of the couple threatened, and it turned out to be accurate, that when they got into the store they’d just reunite at the trolley anyway. The doorman’s eyes said without saying “at that point you are no longer my problem”. They reunited with the trolley.

When I’d done my shopping and went to pay, a different entitled arsehole was kicking off at the employee manning the self checkout area. His opinion was that there were not enough self checkout machines open, and he also took umbridge with the fact that progress on the ones that were open was being slowed by the employee’s insistence on wiping down each one after use. Both her eyes and her mouth said “I didn’t make the rules I’m just here to enforce them”

People, please don’t be a dick to supermarket employees.

People, please don’t be a dick.

Until tomorrow, people, please don’t be people.


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