Sacrilege

April 7th 2020

Today I was reminded that it’s a bank holiday weekend coming up. Given the circumstances, that seems kind of pointless, don’t you think? Like, what am I supposed to do for four full days of total lockdown. At least during the week I can distract myself with work. A four day weekend just seems kind of superfluous.

Do you reckon if I started now I could get enough support from a change.org petition that convinces the Government to officially suspend the bank holiday weekend until some point in, say, July? I think it needs like 100,000 signatures before they have to raise a change.org petition in parliament.

That said, I don’t suppose parliament is actually in session at the moment, and if they are they’ve probably got more important things to be worrying about. So I don’t think this bank holiday is going to be moved after all.

Also, because it’s Easter weekend you wouldn’t even need to petition just the government. You’d have to petition the church too. You’d have to convince them that, for this year only, Jesus got married in July instead of April — or whatever ceremony it is that Easter is supposed to be celebrating. easter moves around every year anyway, and, let’s be honest, no one really knows why so who is going to care if it’s suddenly celebrated in July?

Imagine how good a four day weekend would feel in, optimistically, post-lockdown July. There would be street parties in every postcode in the country. Parks would be full. We’d re-pollute the atmosphere with the smoke from our barbecues, and we’d get shut down by the police for being drunk and disorderly because that’s proper British Summertime.

Also, sidenote, but apparently the clocks went forward last weekend? Did anyone actually notice that happen without the incessant friendly “do the clocks go forward this weekend?” reminders from people that you work with. My phone automatically adjusted and I haven’t worn my running watch because I haven’t been running, so it took me a solid 10 days to realise anything had changed.

Until tomorrow, sorry for the sacrilege.

Jacn

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