Walkers

April 20th 2020

Today it got to like 5pm and I felt a bit dizzy and I think it was because I was hungry. I woke up late so had to skip making breakfast before I started work because my first meeting was at 9:30 (I woke up at 9:34), so by the time I ate breakfast it wasn’t even brunch anymore it was just straight up lunch.

I had my breakfast bagel for lunch, so I was already down on my intake for the day. That meant that by like 3 o’clock I was hungry again. So I had a bowl of cereal. Cereal is joined only by a Full English in the Foods You Can Eat At Literally Any Time Of Day category.

Like seriously, have you ever had a Full English on a hangover? Or accompanied by a beer at an airport before your 6am flight. Or, on really special occasions when you want to treat yourself, you make a Full English Breakfast for dinner at 6pm on a Thursday because you’ve had a shitty day at work and you want some grease in your veins and some bean drippings on your new off-white All Saints sweater.

Anyway.

I had a bagel at 12, some cereal at 3, and so by 5 I was feeling dizzy, and hungry. The thing about 5 o’clock is that it’s far too early to eat dinner. Otherwise I’d have just felt dizzy and hungry again at 8.

But without cooking dinner or having another bowl of cereal there was nothing left in the flat to eat. I intentionally don’t stock my cupboards with snacks because I know that if there is food in the house then I will eat it — more for something to do than out of actual hunger.

Sidenote: I feel that it’s important to point out to anyone reading this who has never seen what I look like, that I don’t actually weigh 19 stone. I just talk like I do and eat like I do.

And so, I had to walk over to Tesco to get a sandwich, some shallots, and two Family Size packets of those Walkers Max Strong crisps that, it was pointed out to me, come in the most manly packaging ever.

The shallots weren’t for snacking, by the way, I just forgot to buy some during the hashtag Big Shop the other day.

I demolished the sandwich in the time it took to walk back to my flat, and then I settled down to prove my earlier statement of why it’s a bad idea to have snacks in the house and finished off that entire sharing pack of crisps and the tub of salsa that I forgot to mention that I also bought.

And, after all that, I felt a bit too icky to eat dinner so didn’t bother cooking anything.

Until tomorrow, I should have cooked after all.

Jacn

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