Reflecting

January 1st 2021

Today is usually the day that I write a blog reflecting on the last year. I’m kind of too tired to do it properly though. I actually had a really good New Year’s Eve at my sister’s house, but recovering has been a struggle today.

And so, this recap is probably going to be briefer than it often is.

I didn’t really set any goals or objectives for 2020, and I don’t think anyone could have foreseen the year that the whole world ended up having, but in spite of all that covid business, I actually had quite a good year.

I travelled to literally the other side of the world. I got promoted. I fell in love. Three huge things happened to me this year. It has been a bonkers, unpredictable and often depressing year for many reasons, but outside of that, there has been love, and happiness, and success.

It was a year where I learned quite a lot about myself, too. Living alone during a global pandemic forces one to become quite introspective. I’ve spent a lot of time with myself, and I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on who I am. That’s something that was perhaps wavering in previous years.

Although I know who I am, I’m still unsure what I want. So maybe that can be a target for this year. I have the incredibly bad habit of constantly comparing my life with others, and I see people who quit their jobs to travel, and I want that, or I see people move to a new city, or a new country, and I want that, or I see people buying houses with their partners, and I want that. And I want it all. You just can’t have it all.

There was a time this year where I was genuinely considering packing in my career to travel and work abroad for a bit. If I hadn’t got the promotion, I might have. But then covid happened anyway.

I dunno, I just see a lot of lives that I envy, and I think that often takes me away from appreciating my own. I don’t necessarily think that’s either uncommon, or a bad thing, though. It keeps me from getting complacent. One thing I’ve always said to myself is this:

Comfort is danger. Stasis is death.

I don’t know where I picked it up from. It’s too poetic to be something I wrote myself, but I like it. What it means to me, is it encourages me to keep moving. I was going to say ‘to keep moving forward’ but that’s not always true.

I don’t like sitting still, figuratively. It makes me uncomfortable. I like to know where I’m headed. And I like to know what the next step is going to be. I need change. Or, without change, I need to know that change is possible. I need something to hold on to.

That’s why, despite not being an overly sentimental person, I do like the concept of New Year, even if it’s mostly just a completely arbitrary occasion that is necessary for calendars. I like having the chance to take stock, to reflect, and to think about what’s next.

And, pandemic aside, last year was good. I know that right now everything to do with the pandemic is all-consuming, but in two or three decades time, I’m expecting that it’ll just be a footnote in the timeline of our existence. We’ll look back and say “Do you remember when we had to quarantine? That was a weird year.”

But I’m hoping that all the good things that happened to me in 2020 will not just be footnotes.

Until tomorrow, Happy New Year.

Jacn

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