Reflecting

January 1st 2021

Today is usually the day that I write a blog reflecting on the last year. I’m kind of too tired to do it properly though. I actually had a really good New Year’s Eve at my sister’s house, but recovering has been a struggle today.

And so, this recap is probably going to be briefer than it often is.

I didn’t really set any goals or objectives for 2020, and I don’t think anyone could have foreseen the year that the whole world ended up having, but in spite of all that covid business, I actually had quite a good year.

I travelled to literally the other side of the world. I got promoted. I fell in love. Three huge things happened to me this year. It has been a bonkers, unpredictable and often depressing year for many reasons, but outside of that, there has been love, and happiness, and success.

It was a year where I learned quite a lot about myself, too. Living alone during a global pandemic forces one to become quite introspective. I’ve spent a lot of time with myself, and I think I’ve got a pretty good handle on who I am. That’s something that was perhaps wavering in previous years.

Although I know who I am, I’m still unsure what I want. So maybe that can be a target for this year. I have the incredibly bad habit of constantly comparing my life with others, and I see people who quit their jobs to travel, and I want that, or I see people move to a new city, or a new country, and I want that, or I see people buying houses with their partners, and I want that. And I want it all. You just can’t have it all.

There was a time this year where I was genuinely considering packing in my career to travel and work abroad for a bit. If I hadn’t got the promotion, I might have. But then covid happened anyway.

I dunno, I just see a lot of lives that I envy, and I think that often takes me away from appreciating my own. I don’t necessarily think that’s either uncommon, or a bad thing, though. It keeps me from getting complacent. One thing I’ve always said to myself is this:

Comfort is danger. Stasis is death.

I don’t know where I picked it up from. It’s too poetic to be something I wrote myself, but I like it. What it means to me, is it encourages me to keep moving. I was going to say ‘to keep moving forward’ but that’s not always true.

I don’t like sitting still, figuratively. It makes me uncomfortable. I like to know where I’m headed. And I like to know what the next step is going to be. I need change. Or, without change, I need to know that change is possible. I need something to hold on to.

That’s why, despite not being an overly sentimental person, I do like the concept of New Year, even if it’s mostly just a completely arbitrary occasion that is necessary for calendars. I like having the chance to take stock, to reflect, and to think about what’s next.

And, pandemic aside, last year was good. I know that right now everything to do with the pandemic is all-consuming, but in two or three decades time, I’m expecting that it’ll just be a footnote in the timeline of our existence. We’ll look back and say “Do you remember when we had to quarantine? That was a weird year.”

But I’m hoping that all the good things that happened to me in 2020 will not just be footnotes.

Until tomorrow, Happy New Year.

Jacn

One thought on “Reflecting

  1. Pingback: Stasis – JACN

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