January 6th 2021
Today I physically watched myself suppress my emotions. That’s like a really unhealthy habit to get into, because it’s probably better to actually feel the thing rather than just pretend it’s not there. It manifested itself in a nervous tick, and caused me to just repeatedly bounce the heel of my right foot against the dorsal of my left foot.
I don’t know if ‘dorsal’ is the correct word, I didn’t put much effort into Googling it. For any football fans amongst you, think ‘laces’. Though I guess you don’t have to be a football fan to know where the laces on shoes tend to be. So, for any humans amongst you, think ‘laces’.
I also bite the skin around my nails to bleeding point, but I’ve always done that. The laces thing is new, though. It’s more subtle though, because it’s under the desk and no one on my video call can see that I’m doing it. Biting your nails and then licking the blood off is a bit more obvious. And a bit more gross.
So yeah, maybe it’d’ve been better practice to actually feel the emotion instead of forcing it from my head to my heart to the bottom of my feet, but feeling isn’t a good look either.
Until tomorrow, don’t make it obvious.