January 17th 2021

Today I made it to my goal rating on Chess.com and now I’m scared to play any more games. On chess.com when you create an account you start at 1000 rated and then after you play some games your rating rapidly adjusts to your true skill level.

A week ago mine was 770, but now I’m up at back over 1000, so I am officially back where I started. Although, having said that, I played a friend today and it was his first ever game on the app, and he was 1200 rated so maybe they changed it. Or maybe you do start at 1200 and I’ve still got a long way to go.

Now that I am perched precariously at my 1001 rating, I’m scared to play again. I also kind of feel like I’ve achieved what I want to, so I’m fine with stopping. But that’s not really how I do things.

I get to one milestone, and then focus on the next one. I don’t like to think “oh, this’ll do”. That scares me. In this particular example, though, going backwards scares me. And that’s rarely a thing you have to worry about in the comparable parallels to life in this “moving forward” metaphor I’m running with.

In life, staying still is scarier than going backwards, because it’s more of a realistic threat. It’s unlikely that I can ungraduate university, or suddenly lose my job, or be kicked out of my house, so the threat of going backwards is not as scary as the threat of not going forwards.

Until tomorrow, but you can’t move forward if you don’t play the game.


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