March 1st 2021

Today I had a slight panic attack where the world, for just a little bit, seemed not quite real. It happens sometimes.

The theory for today’s one is that I was exhausted because I’d been awake since 4am, hungry because I hadn’t eaten, and drained because I’d just been for a run. Chuck in some dehydration and an unexplained swelling anxiety and suddenly I had to dip out early of the meeting I was in and have a lie down.

I’d been up since 4 because I’d woken up thinking I couldn’t breathe. I could, I’d just dreamt that I couldn’t. I hadn’t eaten because there’s no food in the flat and I’d been in meetings all morning so had no time to get to the shop. With the spare time I did have, I went for a run, and then by my next meeting I was suitably tired and hungry and worn out. Nice!

It’s only happened a few times in my life, but when I get like this, a weird thing happens where everyone in my presence becomes like a caricature of themselves. It’s like my brain is so distracted with the other stuff it has to concentrate on, that it just paints a picture that somewhat looks like that person.

And I mean in their behaviours, there, not their appearance. If I was seeing misshapen yet hyper realistic drawings of the people around me then it’d probably be a larger issue.

But this is just like my brain going “look dude I’ve got a lot going on here. I’m trying to keep your heart rate under control and also your vision is going blurry and there’s that foot tapping thing you’re doing too. For the next few minutes I’m not particularly interested in what these people have to say about the customer communication plan, so I’m just gonna project to you what I think they’re probably saying and let’s work on putting out these fires, okay?”


As ever, a good solution to fire is water. Drinking lots of that helped. A slightly lesser known solution to fire is getting into bed. Also, a burrito is good fire protection. Who knew?


Until tomorrow, night.


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