March 7th 2021
Today I’ve been incapacitated by a hangnail. It’s on the side of my thumb and hurts a lot and has made it impossible for me to perform basic tasks today. I’ve basically devolved into a primordial ape without an opposable thumb on my right hand.
Shopping was weird. Opening packages while cooking was difficult. I’ve just changed my bedsheets and it took me four times as long because I was avoiding using a thumb.
Have you ever tried to get through a day avoiding using a thumb? It’s difficult. Thumbs are particularly useful — why do you think humans took over the world?
Any attempt to rid myself of the hangnail just causes it to hurt more. So this is now my life. Just a four fingered ape of a man. And sure, my left hand works fine, but have you ever tried to eat cereal with your wrong hand? It can’t be done. The milk goes everywhere. Weetabix ends up in your beard. It’s a mess.
Until tomorrow, I cannot recover from this.