June 9th 2021
Today I got the first dose of my Covid vaccine and found myself having an inexplicable affinity towards Bill Gates. And then I noticed a blacked out car starting to follow me home. I also hear a mysterious ticking noise* within my subconscious, I’m sure it’s nothing.
*shout out you if you got that reference
Nah but really, my only real side effect was that I did unexpectedly find myself wanting to tell people that I’d had my vaccine. It’s like a weird badge of honour. Except it’s not weird. It’s a good thing to be proud of, and if showing that in any way makes it more comforting to someone who is hesitant, then show it you should.
And like, I don’t really understand the people who take photos of their vaccine card for their Instagram story, but I get the concept. It’s better than being the opposite kind of person and conspiring that get the vaccine is going to turn you into a lizard.
I also don’t understand why the first question people ask you when you tell them you got vaccinated is “which one did you get?”
Three people asked me that today, and I was as confused each time. Like, people don’t gatekeep brands of headache tablets, or judge you for your choice of toothpaste, so it’s just a really bizarre thing to be a thing. I guess it’s indicative of the bizarreness of the last 18 months.
Is it because one of them is a British one? And people want to feel national pride? Or is it because we still don’t like Germans? Again, I don’t get it. But again, if the discourse encourages the country to continue to be vaccinated, then I guess it’s good.
Oh shit I figured it out. The big side effect of the vaccine isn’t the fact it turns you into a Microsoft-loving lizard person, it just makes you into a walking advertisement for vaccines. Fuck. Big Pharma have really thought this one through. They made a vaccine that advertises itself by getting people to boast about getting vaccinated, therefore encouraging more people to get vaccinated, which encourages… etc.
Until tomorrow, I got the Pfizer one, in case you were wondering (#ad).