June 11th 2021
Today one of the new people in my team at work asked me why I’ve been working there for five years. And I guess I’ve never really asked myself that before. It’s quite a long time to stay with one company in this era, especially considering it was the first company I worked for post-Uni (not including the little-known family-run rustic Italian restaurant called Pizza Hut that I waited tables for).
There have been times when I wanted to leave. There have been times when I almost have left. I’ve interviewed for and been offered two other jobs in my five years working there, but each time I’ve been convinced to stay. It’s mostly because of the fight that my boss puts up to keep me — that’s a big part of it — but there’s also probably a large part of me which is scared to leave, and scared to start again.
I don’t want to leave and go from knowing the ins and outs of a place to knowing nothing. But, that being said, I’m not really that fond of the ins and outs of this place any more. There are also a lot of people with whom I just fundamentally clash, and that’s not going to change.
I guess partly I’ve stayed this long because I’m committed to the company and I want to see it do well, but I don’t think I see that as clearly any more. The company is in a really weird state of limbo, and that puts me in a really weird state of limbo too. It feels like there’s a bunch of fundamental changes that need making, but I don’t have faith in the people who need to make them. Which is tricky. Because I don’t know where that leaves me.
Until tomorrow, has it really been five years?