October 10th 2021

Today I am perplexed by something. It’s quite a simple something. It’s not some convoluted equation, or a complicated problem. It’s more of just a musing, really.

My musing is this:

How does there exist people on this planet who prefer to eat a Sunday Roast at lunchtime?

I ask, as I ate a Sunday Roast at 1pm today and I am very confused as to whether I am now supposed to cook myself dinner or not. Like, I already had dinner. It was just at lunchtime.

And don’t you come at me with the “But it’s called a Sunday Lunch” rhetoric, because 1) it can also be called a Sunday Dinner or a Sunday Roast or a Roast Dinner, and 2) the phrases for things don’t always have to be perfectly descriptive or accurate.

There are plenty of things that have names that don’t make logical sense. Like the “mincemeat” you put in “mincepies”. Or the fact that “Koala Bears” aren’t bears. Or “The Democratic People’s Republic of China”.

Well actually they’re called mince pies because originally they were made with meat like mut–” Shut up, Neal.

But yeah.

Why would you have a Sunday Roast at at 1pm? I don’t get it. Who are these people? Do we let them vote? Can they drive?

Like I’m so confused. Do I make pasta now? Or do I have a bowl of porridge? I’ve only eaten two meals today, but one of them was breakfast and one of them was dinner, so the only thing I should be able to eat now must be lunch? So do I make a sandwich at 7pm on a Sunday night? That just seems depressing.

In my house growing up, dinner was at 6:30pm. It still is. On the dot. Be there or… well, you should probably just be there.

I could maybe possibly let you get away with it if you said you had Sunday roast as early as 4pm, but on the strict caveat that there was going to be some sort of cheese board served at 7pm.

Not even Christmas dinner should be any earlier than 4, so don’t give me that either. And if there’s no cheese board at Christmas then take a fucking look at yourself, will you.

Sorry, that was too far.

But yeah, 1pm Sunday Roasts? You’re having me on.

Until tomorrow, I’m going to have a bowl of porridge.


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