November 1st 2021

Today I felt like I needed to sneeze for most the of the day. I’ve felt like I need to sneeze for about 3 days, actually.

Do you know that feeling? Where you get a little tickle and it’s like “Oh boy there it is. Here she comes.”

(I don’t know why there were two genders in that sentence.)

It’s like you know it’s there and you’re not going to feel right again until you’ve just sneezed and got it out of the way. Otherwise you’re just constantly on edge, waiting for it to come.

You know that feeling?

Well that’s how I’ve been feeling except instead of needing to sneeze I feel like I need to have an anxiety attack.

Like I just need to very briefly let myself commit to the sneeze (read: anxiety attack) and then I’ll be okay.

Because, like, I’ve been on the edge of the sneeze all weekend, but it’s Monday and I’ve got shit to do. I was hungover all day on Saturday. I was throwing up because of some sickness bug on Sunday. And now I’d just really like to get back to some kind of post-sneeze clarity.

Unfortunately you can’t force out a sneeze. Even if you feel it coming, it’ll fizzle away and then convulse out of you at some unexpected moment.

(In that sentence the sneeze is both literal and metaphorical)

I just Googled “why do we sneeze” in order to make the following comparison, and it kind of works, so stick with it.

Apparently we sneeze to expel unwanted matter like dust or pollen from causing irritation in our nostrils. Which makes sense.

And I feel like I need to have a mild anxiety attack to expel dust or pollen from causing irritation in my brain. Okay so maybe the comparison isn’t completely like-for-like, but you see where I’m going with it.

I’ve got a build up of dust that I need to expel in order to prevent irritation.

It’s a metaphor, Daddy.

(That’s a quote from Friends. You can tell because I put it in quotes. Or maybe you just already knew it was a quote from Friends. In which case, nice.)

I’m okay. I just need to sneeze.

Until tomorrow, Gesundheit.


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