November 9th 2021
Today something clicked and I found myself engaged again. For a month or so I’ve been demotivated at work. Disengaged. I’ve been having a confidence crisis for one reason or another, and I followed some really bad advice from someone who doesn’t know me very well, and I kind of lost my place.
I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know where I was going. And I mostly still don’t, but I knew what I was doing today. And that’s something, I guess.
During this time I’ve been flirting with the idea of sending out my CV, but not with any vigour. I guess I was lost on that front too.
And like, yeah, I had a good, productive, useful, day, but the wider picture is still a bit murky. I’m still mid-crisis; of identity and confidence, and I’m mostly not enjoying the environment I’m working in.
I think I’ve talked myself out of my good day. I went into writing this thinking that something had changed. And I think it has. But it’s only changed today. I don’t know what tomorrow will be like.
Until tomorrow, there’s only one way to find out.