December 9th 2020

Today I got ID’d twice, unsuccessfully, back-to-back. It was unsuccessful because I haven’t carried a wallet since I discovered Apple Pay, and so was unable to provide any kind of identification.

First, I was in an Aldi trying to get some Tiger. I figured Asian food deserved Asian lager, but the checkout lady disagreed. She kind of half-jokingly asked me for ID, and then said “no I’m serious”. Of course, I didn’t kick up any fuss because it’s literally her job to ask me that question, and if I wanted to buy beer I should have brought ID.

It’s fine, I get it. So I went to Tesco instead and oh for fuck sake really? You too? I come here like almost every week to buy booze. Did I say week? I meant day.

When she asked I said “would it help if I removed my mask” and so I did, and she said, after seeing my beard, “well yes it would but I’ve already asked and I can’t take it back”

Again, fair enough. There’s literally nothing to be gained from kicking off.

What was weird to me, though, is that in the rest of my Tesco basket I had duck breasts, sesame seeds, and udon noodles. What 17 year old spends eight quid on two duck breasts just to make it seem less suspicious that he’s buying a 4 back of Asahi?

Again, I do not blame them, because they’re just doing what they’re there for.

Until tomorrow, but also, like, come onnnnnnn.


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