July 29th 2021
Today I had my second dose of the covid vaccine and after I was done and had driven home, I couldn’t get out of the car.
You see, I had become magnetised. The vaccine had turned my blood cells into tiny tiny magnets, and my body was stuck to the steel frame of my Ford Fiesta.
Or, at least, that’s how this blog would have begun if I was a fucking crazy person conspiracy theorist. Is “crazy person conspiracy theorist” a tautology? Yes.
I learnt today that there are genuinely people on this planet who believe that the covid vaccine magnetises your blood and I, well I just, it’s just that I, I just can’t. I just can’t.
It is my fault for believing that, by and large, the world is mostly full of good people. And I do still kind of believe that. But my god there’s some fucking morons about.
And it’s weird, because I, as a sane person, can sit here and label those people as loopy, but does that make me one of them?
Because let’s imagine that those people had enough functioning, non-magnetised brain cells to be able to write in full sentences, and let’s imagine they also had a blog like this one. Would their blog post today be about “all those crazy people” who are willingly getting the covid vaccine despite it being proven to magnetise your bloodstream?
I guess so.
Because the truly crazy ones think they’re the sane ones. And if It think I’m one of the sane ones, does that make me one of the crazy ones?
No. Of course not. It’s that lot that are fucking batshit.
Magnetised? Give me a fucking break. Do me a favour. Actually do me two favours: Don’t take the vaccine. And don’t reproduce.
Until tomorrow, it was Pfizer btw.